Bully #1 Lucie Bee

Hi Lucie,

I’m sure its no surprise to you that you are my first bully to be named. I still to this day have no idea why you felt the need to do what you did, which really if we’re honest, was where this all started.

So lets start at the beginning?

You called me on the 19th February 2014. The day before you had been at a porn shoot where you told me that you did not want to shoot with Ryan James, however you owed money to Agency Atlantic. You told me how both Ryan and Sarah from AA backed you into a corner and coerced you into shooting against your will.

I clarified with you that what you were describing to me, sexual coercion which is rape. You confirmed that was correct, and you asked me for my advice.

I said to you that this was a tricky situation for me to be placed in, I absolutely supported you and I believed you without evidence. But Ryan James and I were going through an incredibly messy separation and really as just a fellow Pornstar what could I really do? I suggested that you contact Popporn Productions to get their advice, which you did. Consequently Ryan lost his job with them.

Do you remember this call? Here is the Stat Dec from the person you made the call in front of. Obviously I’ve removed sensitive information, however I still hold the full stat dec and if you’d like me to provide it to you, of course I will.

lucie allegations

A couple of weeks later I noticed via social media that you were at a music festival with Ryan. Which struck me as odd. I am a rape victim, I have also been sexually assaulted in porn, where what we agreed to do, wasn’t really what transpired. Every person that has either raped me or pushed my boundaries on a porn shoot by way of coercion or just flat out doing whatever they wanted to without my consent, well I don’t have them in my life. I certainly wouldn’t be at a music festival with them. So I knew something was up.

I called Popporn Productions to tell them my suspicions; I know that this resulted in you losing your shooting place with them as well as Ryan. Which we see in this below email from Popporn.

romeo black list email

Now the rumour that you and Ryan have spread about me is that I have used rape allegations or false rape allegations to hurt peoples careers.

Is that what I did?

To me I took your disclosure on face value and gave you advice.

You then took my advice and called Popporn to report Ryan, which led to Ryan being blacklisted.

I then noticed that something was up and told Popporn that I think there’s more to this story, and that it wasn’t fair (as much as I disliked Ryan at the time) that he was being punished for something that didn’t seem to have happened.

From where I sit Lucie, it has been you who used false rape allegations to harm Ryan’s career. Then it backfired, and it harmed your career.

If only you hadn’t involved me to begin with. If only the story stopped there right?

But back to reality.

In July 2014, I was voted by the new SWOP Board to become their first President. I get it, you didn’t like this. I don’t blame you either, when I found out you were talking about consent at your university, I nearly puked. But the difference between you and me Lucie, is that I didn’t contact your university with the evidence that you use false rape allegations to progress your career, which therefore makes you an incredibly poor choice of speaker on the topic of consent. I just moved on. But back to you.

In July that year Ryan James decided to contact SWOP to make a complaint about me being the president. As part of his complaint he decided to rehash your false rape allegations as an example of why I would be unfit to be the president. I will never understand why I wanted to protect you at this point. But I did. And honestly, I wanted to write off what had transpired between us in February 2014 and leave that in the past. So we had the following text message conversation.


This is another point where it all could have ended. But it didn’t apparently my “not wanting to rehash the past” so we all could just move forward with our careers was not ok with you.

So then we get to your social media presence. Now have I made digs at you on social media. Absolutely, I am not without sin here. I can’t remember exactly when, possibly in 2014, I did refer to you as Batman and spoke about how you use false rape allegations to get ahead. And that was shit behaviour on my part for sure. But also something you are guilty of too.

Now after the events of 2014, I retreated away from the sex industry, I focused on my own business, I didn’t really do much in the porn industry. I focused on moving my life forward. But the rumours that you started didn’t stop. It had now spread, I was getting cyber attacked frequently and it seemed no amount of moving forward, staying silent or ignoring things were working.

So I called you out for the part you played in all this in December 2015. I wanted that to be the end of things. Of course you fought back on your social media account and for the following 2 weeks things got way worse. But I really wanted that to be the end of the saga. You said your piece, I said mine, great the world knows we hate each other lets all move forward in our separate ways.And that blog post is still up, you can read that here.

But here we are nearly two and half years after what really should have been the end of our great feud. But you felt the need to rehash everything again, completely unprovoked by me in March this year.

I announced on social media on April 8th that I had been a victim of crime in late March and consequently shut my entire business down. Then after working hard to try to get through my PTSD and all of the associated legal and police stuff that comes with being a victim of crime. I decided that whilst I may never be able to return to sex work, let me try to return to some form of a public career to try to get my life back on track. It has been super clear to everyone that since the crime which took place on 25 March 2018, I have been struggling.

So this could have been another moment where you could have chosen to just back off and leave me alone. I remember earlier this year when you received rough treatment at the hospital for your mental health condition, I also remember when you lost Scully. Did I use these times when you were vulnerable to kick you whilst you were down? No.

But you, decided to take to twitter again in May, just in case I wasn’t vulnerable enough to have another go.

Lucie Bee, you started the rumours against me. You have perpetuated the cyber attacks against me. And even when I’ve called stop, this is now really having a negative impact to my mental health you kept going.

For these reasons, Lucie Bee you are the first of the 4 Bullies I’m naming this week. Your behaviour towards me is unjustified, its malicious, its cruel and you’ve refused to stop.

Please move on with your life, please stop discussing me and spreading rumours about me.

Thank you



“Standing up to bullies is not bullying”

That’s one of the favourite things my bullies love to say when they take to social media to attack me. So in a way I guess my bullies have shown me the way. However I doubt very much they will afford me a right to reply.

Now I’m about to take you all on a journey documenting 4 years of bullying at the hands of 4 prominent Australian Adult industry people. Some of them have played much larger roles than the others. But to me, these 4 people have all used their position within the industry to harm.

In addition I’m also going to show you the mobbing impact that the bullies have created. Mobbing is the result of smear campaigns created by the bullies, in my life its resulted in hundreds of people I don’t even know taking to social media regurgitating the words of my bullies like they know me. They all say they’ve heard these rumours from a number of sources, so there for these rumours which all seem to change slightly throughout the years simply must be true.

I have over the years attempted to stand up for myself, set the record straight or even defend myself. But that’s not something that’s supported if you are the victim. The ugly thing about bullying, is the bullies are so loud, they attract support, whilst they abuse and isolate their victims into silence and exile.

Which basically means once you have been targeted by a bully, you’re left powerless, voiceless. You’ve been subjected to trial by social media and your side of the story, has not been heard, or sought out. In fact the minute you attempt to open your mouth they attack you again.

This situation began for me in February 2014, over the past nearly 4.5 years I’ve tried everything I could think off to get away from this, to shut it down, to move forward. I don’t think that what I’m about to do is going to be any different either.

I don’t think really that there is anything I can do to get away from these people. And that’s really what makes bullying so dangerous. It shouldn’t be this hard for victims to escape. But sadly with the presence of social media, this behaviour is encouraged.

I hope that one day someone else will work out how to better manage this dangerous dynamic, before too many of our lives are lost to it. I also hope that laws around bullying are tightened. When bullies latch on to their victims and drive them to suicide as their only escape, they should be tried for manslaughter. Currently right now, their behaviour is barely considered criminal.

We all know that bullying kills. It destroys lives. Don’t be a bystander.

For me, I’m doing this because its time more story is heard. Maybe I’ve done things wrong and I’m that fucked up in the head that I’ve deserved all the abuse I’ve received. Or maybe I am right and I am a victim of bullying. Or maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle.

Or maybe none of this matters at all. But to me at least I’ve told my story.

Nothing about us without us – Just who is allowed to talk about life as a prostitute?

There was a girl, barely 17 years old who had been groomed by a man more than twice her age since she was 14. She would spend her evenings (more than 100 of them) locked in a desolate studio with nothing but a wall of mirrors, an old leather couch and a sink. He would come in, when the urge arises, and use her for sex. Using liquid soap as lube when her arse was too tight to allow for his comfort. Never mind the fact that liquid soap stings and increases her pain. She thought he loved her. She thought he was saving her from the violence at home. He would some times flick her $50 for her time.

There was a sex worker, with rashes on her knees, arse and back from the accidental inclusion of too much bleach in the brothels laundry that week. After 8 hours of gritting her teeth through the pain of the bleach burns she encounters a client that just likes it rough. With scratch marks on her back and skin that is too sore to touch and a vagina which is now dry and starting to swell from too much hard fucking, she asks to call it a day.

“You have 2 more hours left, there are men waiting.”

“ But please this is just too painful now, I can’t do another one.”

“Well if you want a job next week you will.”

With burning skin and a vagina that no amount of lube will help, she grins and bears it through 2 more clients. Albeit lovely clients, any form of human touch right now only feels like hot coals.

There was a girl who thought she might give porn a go. She was impressed at how the scene was mapped out.

“Ok so we do the shoot once were finished you get paid.” Says the director.

When the cameras started rolling it was a different story. In the place of the blowjob was forced deep throat. There was surprise anal digital penetration and arse to mouth fish hooking. Tears well in her eyes as she struggles with what is happening to her. Her body tense with pain from the too hard pounding, in an uncomfortable position. Does she say stop and not get paid or does she try to get through to the end, whats worse being assaulted or being assaulted and not getting paid? The scene ends, the director particularly loved how the tears noticeably welled in her eyes and high fived the male talent for really spicing up the scene that was exactly what they were after.

A Pornstar had just had her contract breached by a porn company as she refused to have a sexual relationship with the one of the producers. This resulted in her filming 7 scenes opposite 5 different stars for no payment. As she fought against sexual harassment and clear contract breach, the producer published her address to intimate her into silence. She sought help from SWOP, the Eros Association and the leader of the Australian Sex Party. All organisations who hold the ethos around consent and professionalism within the Australian sex industry, the organisations that speak about how they care about sex workers, well they turned a blind eye. Well next time you should ask for payment first then…

These are all true stories of the Australian Sex Industry. All too often we hear the happy hooker narrative where we are seen as empowered young women who happily exchange sexual services for pay. And for the most part, especially now for me, I do have the privilege of saying that I do consent to the sex work that I partake in.

But that hasn’t always been true.

From the young girl who’s vulnerability was exploited by the older man who used her as his sex slave, to the young woman who needed to accept painful unwanted sex for the chance to pay her rent next week; right through to the woman who had to question, now that she had already been assaulted would the money ease her pain? To the woman who found her strength to say no only to be punished and ignored by the organisations who are funded to support her. These are examples of what may appear, as consent on the surface but is actually sexual exploitation.

All these stories of women who have been exploited are me. These are some of the darker moments of my life.

Was I a sex slave victim at 17? Or an opportunistic underage sex worker? Was I forced to have sex against my will in the brothel? Or was the brothel enforcing a good work ethic? Did my wanting to get paid negate the fact that I also had been sexually assaulted on camera? Or was that just a job requirement of female performers in the porn industry? And did I assert my right as a professional porn actress to have a workplace free from sexual harassment and still have my contract honoured? Or was I just a troublemaker who feebly believed that she held any right to autonomous power?

This is what I think sets me apart from the “sex work activists” and red umbrella organisations who all cry the happy hooker narrative. I know from my lived experience that there are two sides to the world of commercial sex. And that surface consent sometimes also sexual exploitation. I’ve also experienced first hand how when a supposed “happy Hooker” speaks out about the exploitation within the current Australian Sex Industry she gets excluded, ignored if she’s lucky. If she’s not well it will escalate to bullying, abuse and violence. The price I’ve personally paid for speaking out is the exclusion from the ugly mug list; I’ve had my legal name, personal phone number and home address published. I’ve been stalked, verbally assaulted publically twice, been threatened with physical violence, had the locks of my front door removed and the front door to my building smashed in and been detained and deported from the US all whilst being victim to a smear campaign.

Every week on twitter we see yet another sex worker attacked and bullied by her peers, “shes used the term “high class” or she provides natural oral or we don’t agree with her rates, quick get catty. The Australian Sex Industry is one of the most publically cut throat and bitchy environments around, where bullying has become so engrained its become a form of communication in itself. Its worse if she breaks from the happy hooker narrative or identifies as a survivor who is an ex sex worker.

We’ve recently seen months of targeted harassment aimed at survivors by not only vocal sex work activists but also by red umbrella organisations. Organisations who’s mission statements state that they seek to give a voice to all sex workers past and present, who claim to be against bullying. These activists all use the phrase “Nothing about us without us” but what they really are seeking to is to exclude from the conversation any sex worker past or present who seeks to speak up about exploitation.

If you want to read into this more please read these articles that document the abuse that the survivors have received from the sex worker activists and red umbrella organisations.

Sex industry lobby group disrupts Survivor book launch

Sex Industry rep tries to recruit prostitution survivor back into trade at book launch.

I understand that some may think that any of us who break away from the empowered narrative of sex work are endangering our fight for sex worker rights. But we are also contributing to the exploitation and harm to our fellow peers. I am privileged to have worked hard to now be in a position to call my own shots, although I’ve paid for my empowerment with tears and blood literally. But I am still humble enough to recognise that not only was it not always the case for me but it is still not always the case for other sex workers.

We still have situations where brothels are getting their girls addicted to ice, even paying them in ice, where girls are being forced to accept bad behaviour from clients or to work longer and harder than their bodies can accept. We have situations right now, where due their exclusion from the ugly mugs list some private providers aren’t allowed the privilege of vetting their clients to the full extent possible which is leading to actual sex worker rapes that may have been prevented. These are all situations that are known to the red umbrella organisations, which are turning a blind eye to them.

If we as a current sex work population are not listening to voices of our peers who are speaking about their negative experiences, if the organisations who are funded to ensure the wellbeing and health of every sex worker are not listening or refusing to act, how do we expect to improve our industry?

Now I do have to say this, I am aware a lot of the survivors are seeking the Nordic Model as recourse to rectify their exploitation. And I still stand firm in believing that the Nordic model will not improve the industry, in fact I tend to believe it may make it worse. But regardless of what we think will improve the sex industry, their voices and lived experiences are still very important narratives, which deserve to be listened to.

If you are interested in listening to voices of sex workers, please also listen to the voices of the survivors. And whilst I nearly had a breakdown reading Prostitution Narratives by Melinda Tankard Reist and Carolina Norma, I strongly recommend reading it. Whilst I never worked along side the survivors who have contributed their stories to the book, I have worked along countless other sex workers who have shared their stories, sometimes it was like reading my own story.

The Australian sex industry currently does contain exploitation and there are sex workers who are being harmed. But it also does contain good.

I want to finish on a positive aspect to my involvement in the sex industry. I don’t quite know where or how, but sometime during my childhood I never learnt or was never taught to be able to say no, or that I could assert boundaries when it came to my body. Which resulted in me, by the time I was 21, being victim to repetitive sexual abuse and rape by 3 different perpetrators. It was like ground hog day. How did I keep ending up in situations where I would be so abused, by the same men so many times? It was the sex industry, the love and support of a few good madams and the senior girls in the brothels that coached me to help me find my voice. I don’t know if I would have found it otherwise.

So in my life, the sex industry has been both good and bad to me, and I know now, that neither detracts from the other, but I had to confront the darkness to see that. This is why I know the value of confronting the duality of the sex industry. If we never confront or look at the systemic exploitation within the industry, if we try to keep the dark side hushed, if we turn our activism for sex workers rights into movements trying to silence the voices of the survivors, we will never improve our industry for us or for the future generation of sex workers.


Make every sex workers life matter, not just the happy ones.

My Core Values and Ethics


This week I am examining and writing a series of blog posts looking into the radical activism and oppressive behaviour of sex work activists. It is going to be triggering to some sex workers to read my views on these subjects, there have already been comments online about how some sex workers believe I’m joining the side of the survivors. Which actually makes no sense as Survivors are part of the sex work community due to them being ex workers. But that is just it. A lot of what I speak about is about the division in sex work. How some sex workers including red umbrella organisations bully and exclude members of our community especially those still engaged in active sex work.

So first I want to take the time to set out what I am truly about.

  1. I’m a feminist. I believe in the right for all women to make their own decisions in life. Be that the clothes they wear, whether they have sex or not, their occupations whether that be prostitution or law or anything else. Whether they marry or have children are monogamous or not. And I also believe in gender equality so this also goes for men. I think whatever you want to do, however you live your life as long as you are not harming anyone else then you deserve the freedom to do so.
  2. I believe in kindness. I would like to see a world free from bullying. Where people are not attacked for being different or for having dissenting opinions or lifestyles.
  3. When it comes to sex work, I believe in the right for all sex workers to have equal access to safety and supports. Unfortunately this is not the case in Australia right now. I believe that all sex workers regardless of friendships, profiles or success deserve access to support and access to the ugly mug list. No sex worker deserves violence in the course of their work.
  4. I acknowledge that we do have some clients that are misogynist and that do treat us poorly, sometimes disrespectfully and sometimes violently. And we also have clients that are beautiful. We do need to do more to change the attitudes towards sex workers so that we are treated better. But I do not think there is anything wrong with purchasing sexual services and therefore I cannot support any legislation that criminalises the purchasing of sexual services.
  5. Regardless of the actions and words of some sex workers, if you have ever been a sex worker regardless of your experience you are part of the sex work community. Your place within the community can never be taken away. I view sex workers, ex workers and survivors (ex-workers who had bad experiences) as my peers.
  6. I believe that all voices in our community matter and deserve to be listened to. I do not support the oppression of any part of the industry by any other part of the industry. Regardless of whether I agree with their opinions or not. We All Matter.
  7. I believe All members of the sex work community deserve access to support and as such I am grateful to the Red Umbrella organisations in their support of some members of the community and equally grateful of the antis and SWERFs for their support of the rest of us.
  8. I believe wholeheartedly in non-violent peaceful activism. This means I support the promotion of our beliefs and our right to voice them. And I’m opposed to violent activism, which includes vandalism, harassment, threats, silencing, and oppression.
  9. I believe that consent is core to prostitution. This means that sex work is not trafficking. But it also means that I believe that every sex worker deserves support wherever they are in their careers whether this be, support to help them enter, exist or leave. Yes this means I’m for Exit Programmes.
  10. The Whoreachy is a real thing. It is the word that we use for lateral violence. It is how we bully, exclude and try to rip down each other. It is how we use stigma against each other. And we all play a part in it, whether that be through contributing to it attacking each other on social media, to spreading rumours, from exclusion to outing sex workers right through to actual violence. Or through our silence, through not wanting to get involved, by turning a blind eye as yet another one of us is targeting by bullying. Being a sex worker is hard enough as it is we don’t need to make it harder.

It is my intention to shine a light at the darkness within our industry so that we can all live in the light and achieve safe and happy lives.

Vandalism supported by Scarlet Alliance as a form of Activism.

I was one of the prostitutes who took issue with the Salvos stigmatising marketing. Turning to instagram to voice my disapproval of their latest campaign On April 27th, 2016.


“Yuck… This is why I don’t support the Salvation Army. This piece of crap only fuels stigma. They have linked 3 sentences without context, so that we believe this is the norm. I know plenty of mothers that are prostitutes and their kids are spoilt and well looked after with ballet and piano. I also know and was one myself, plenty of kids who were neglected and abused by parents with socially acceptable jobs. The issue the Salvation Army needs to look at is child abuse and neglect, which is not a direct result of prostitution. It’s a direct result of poor parenting.” My Instagram post.

I have no doubt in my mind that the marketing material is someones true story. Perhaps there even many children who share experiences such as this. But it is not a story of how bad prostitution is. It’s a story of bad parenting. Yes it is harmful for any prostitute to look their child in a bathroom whilst she services clients, that is bad parenting, not bad prostitution. The key to this messge was one of child neglect. It doesn’t matter the reason for child neglect, looking a 5 year old in a bathroom to the point where they self harm is neglect.

On this same day the Salvation Army issued this apology.



However with further reports of the offensive material still being in circulation. Sex Worker Activists continued protesting. Online through social media and then on International Whores Day out the front of the Salvation Army’s office, encouraged by SWOP NSW and Scarlet Alliance.


But when Salvation Army did not respond to the peaceful protest, well the pictures and news articles tell this part the best.

“An international Christian charity’s headquarters have been smeared with graffiti accusing the organisation of shaming people who disagree with the church.

Large anti-church slogans painted in red covered the entrance to the Salvation Army building on Sydney’s Chalmers Street on Monday morning.

A badge imitating the Salvation Army crest was sprayed on the windows with the words ‘The Stigma Army’ written inside and ‘Stigma Kills’ was painted over sliding doors at the front.”

The Salvation Army Sydney headquarters, the place where SWOP NSW rallied in protest. Was vandalized just two weeks after their protest.

Now its pretty clear it was vandalized by sex worker activists. And of course it is impossible for the red umbrella organisations to control the actions of individuals. And I would have thought that any organization particularly any organization who receives government funding would discourage any forms of violence or vandalism in the name of activism.

Sadly no, Scarlet Alliance our peak sex worker body supported this act of vandalism.


Again I took to my instagram account in disgust.

“Last night I saw this. This is Scarlet Alliance the Australian National Sex Industry organisation supporting what are clearly sex workers who have vandalised a Sydney Salvation Army building.

It’s in retaliation to stigmatising and misleading material that the Salvation Army have distributed which has incorrectly linked sex work and child abuse. I also spoke out against the material when it was published. But I’m sad to see that the sex work activists have now taken their online protest campaign this far. Vandalism is not activism, it’s a crime. Whilst I don’t support the salvos in their stigmatising campaign they are still an organisation of people, who are trying to help people. Yes some of their policies are questionable. But they don’t deserve to have their buildings vandalised. This is an example of how extreme and radical some sex work activists are taking things. How are we as a sex worker community meant to break down stigma if some us use violence to get heard? The sex workers who did this have now linked our community to criminal activity. There are better ways to be heard.

People often ask me what the dark side of the sex industry is? They expect me to say client violence. It’s not. This is an example of the dark side. As a community we have so much anger and fear, that some of us turn to violence, threats and we lash out at the greater community, at the Antis, at each other. The dark side of the sex industry, is the actions from people within the community. And seeing that our national body supports this so publically is disturbing.”


It is no wonder that Sex Worker Activists are feeling so entitled to radicalize when our peak bodies are supporting them in acts that are illegal.

Scarlet Alliance is an organization who claims its intend is to break down stigma. But publically supporting sex work activists in acts such as these only perpetuates the stigma. This act of vandalism is more damaging to the sex work community than anything that anyone else can say about us. If we are stooping to threats, to vandalism to violence to get our point across can even be sure we have one?

Is this really how we want greater society to view Sex Workers?

Screen Shot 2016-08-30 at 2.30.37 pm




RAW cover 1

Raw is a term used in the creative field to mean an image which has not been enhanced; it is unfiltered, untouched. These days we are bombarded by porn and by the media with hypersexualised, yet filtered – even censored  – depictions of female sexuality and anatomy.

For example, images in print showing the vulva often need to be edited to remove any external labia. In porn, male ejaculation is expected, yet female ejaculation is fetishized. All of this leads to unrealistic and unauthentic depictions of female sexuality. RAW is Madison Missina’s controversial attempt to combat this.

According to Missina “…when I started filming porn, it was my aim to showcase authentic female pleasure. However with the influence of male directors and producers who are making content for mainly male consumers, eventually authentic female pleasure is lost in lieu of the beautiful fake orgasm. In magazines often my external labia is edited out. This has always concerned me, as when I was a teen, I would compare myself to the girls in the mags and think that I was deformed. I was wrong. The messages that we are giving girls, women and even men are deformed.”

RAW is an educational, unedited look into female sexuality. It is stripped of the male influence; it is created by females for females. All images are raw. Missina is both director and subject; it is her aim to showcase female sexual pleasure in its rawness.

Missina claims “…female sexuality is diverse, it’s fierce; its time we stop filtering it, censoring; it should never be controversial.”

View RAW on display in the Royal Hall of Industries at SEXPO Sydney, and then hear Missina speak about female sexual self esteem in the S.H.A.R.E. seminar room, Saturday May 14 at 8:00PM and Sunday May 15 at midday.

Ask Madison: Beauty Regime

Hi babe how are you? I’m so sorry to bother you but I am messaging you because I honestly think you are the most stunning woman I have ever seen!! And I know you’re a model and all so I was wondering if I could get some of your secrets to looking so fantastic?? I would love to know if you get any beauty procedures done such as laser, facials, and skin therapy of ant sort? I would also love to know what eye cream; night creams cleansers or facial products you use? Also what beauty products you use daily such as hair products, tan, foundation, cosmetics?? Any other ways you keep your skin and hair so amazing?? Also what is the main lipstick and gloss you use?? I always see you wear a really nice pink? I would also love to know what your workout routine is and what do you eat on a typical day and what vitamins you take? Im so sorry for all the questions I just think your amazingly stunning and would love to know your tips thanks heaps babe keep up the work your gorgeous xx


Hello Beautiful!

Thank you for your compliments, I’m very happy to share my routine.

So this is just what works for me. Everybody is different so use what feels right for you. But I think the main thing is to listen to your body. I find that particularly as women we are bombarded with so many messages about diet and weight loss, that well I know I did for years feel pressured into doing more to look good. Since I gave up on trying to create the perfect body and started focusing more on caring and loving the body that I have, Im finding my body is just right. When it came to diet, I used to not let myself eat the foods I loved. When I let go, I went through a transition period of eating the junk (and gaining some weight) then the cravings for that just fell away. As I no longer restrict my food, I find my cravings now are for more natural foods. And because I don’t hold myself to be perfect, if I have a bad day and sleep in my make up, get drunk and pig out well that’s called being human. So I don’t beat myself up over it. But I do find that when I eat crappy foods it does take a few days for my body to get realigned again, its like in a way eating junk food creates the cravings for more junk food.

Also don’t buy into the expensive face creams phenomenon. I have better results with my regime that I create myself than I ever did with the expensive ones. And again I listen to my body, if my face feels dry, I moisterise then exfoliate then moisterise. If my skin feels a little sensitive I lay off the actives.

I also only wear make up when I have to these days. This has helped my skin, and was a big step in me accepting me. My face and skin aren’t perfect but its my face so Im no longer concerned with hiding it everyday under heavy make up.

My lifestyle is vegan/natural based and my main motto is listening to my body. I’m not strict and do have lazy days so this is me about 70% of the time. I make a lot of my products myself. The site where I learned how to do this is skinactives.com A product that they sell that I treat myself to every once in a while is Bio Marine algae, this is awesome as it nourishes my skin and hair, its also the main active in SKII skincare. Buying it in its pure form gives a better result for way less cash. I apply this everywhere I like directly.


I lean Vegan and I listen to my body. So I eat when I’m hungry and until I feel satisfied. All bets are off when I have my period though, if I want to eat that pepperoni pizza and pack of Tim tams I go for it. An average day for me looks like this:


  • Half and avocado on seed bread with olive oil and salt.
  • Coffee with almond milk

Lunch and Dinner (often I only eat one of these meals and I snack whenever I like)

  • Homemade tabouli with quinoa instead of wheat (quinoa is a seed so its high in protein) Hummus, avocado, falafels and bread.
  • Or Red curry vegetables with coconut rice


Nut bars, almonds, fruit, green smoothies (my fav is kale, pear, coconut water and LSA mix) or almond milk banana smoothies, vegetable chips, trail mix.

Sometimes I don’t like the taste of water (usually because I drank too much soft drink the day before so I flavor water with green tea bags, lemon, cucumber or fruit.

I don’t do drugs and I keep drinking alcohol to a minimal level and when I do I drink gin and tonic or vodka sodas.


I walk my dog, or run around the house playing hide and seek with him and my cats. I also sometimes run up the stairs of my apartment building. I always have to carry my groceries in one hit or I have heavy bags to carry so that helps keep me strong. But apart from that I don’t do much. (Oh and I still dance around my room in my underwear).


I listen to my body and I’m biphasic. So I often will wake up naturally at 4 am, I use that time to write and meditate and then go down for a second sleep about 3.30 pm when I can. I always meditate twice a day. I find meditating helps my energy and clarity.



Sunscreen! – I don’t ever go out in the sun, but I still use invisible zinc everyday.

Facials – I use to do them regularly but these days I don’t. Unless I’m stressed.

Botox – Now if I didn’t work in an industry where aging directly related to my pay I wouldn’t use it. But I want to work in my industry for as long as I can so I do. I use Botox when I get lines that remain after my expression has gone. I find that 2 courses of Botox fixes this for about a year or 2 at a time, so whilst I always have Botox in my face, it’s not all areas. Except my lips, I get Botox in my lips to give my top lip a fuller look. And I’m a teeth grinder so I have Botox currently in my masseters, which is fixing that. Less is more with botox, I find that women get more beautiful in there 30s so if you are going to use botox aim to slow aging, not to stop it. I like my face better now that I’m 33 than when I did when I was 23.

I also, thanks to my genes, get sleep lines under my eyes, also now on my décolletage – no Botox or filler will ever fix this. So I use collagen pads – scar away to minimize this. I wear the pads usually over night for a few days in a row and it gets rid of them. I also only sleep on high quality satin or silk pillowcases, this helps my hair and face wrinkles. And sleep on a cool latex pillow which means that my pillow doesn’t get hot, so my face and hair don’t crease as much.

I remove make up using Garneir Micellar water, or coconut oil for waterproof make up. Then cleanse with simple products such as cetaphil.

For exfoliation I make my own body scrubs using salt and coconut oil and I use the exfoliation gloves. I also add in Ascorbic acid (vitamin C) I buy this on eBay I mix into a full body scrub about a teaspoon or two. The ascorbic acid helps with stretch marks and skin brightening. I apply the body scrub to wet skin. Rub it in for about 4-5 minutes then rinse off.

Face exfoliation – I alternate between glycolic acid and vitamin A (retrieve from the GP) every other day.

For skin brightening I make a vitamin C tincture. Vitamin C is a very unstable molecule, which means that most vitamin C creams on the market have to include a ton of preservatives, which I don’t like putting on my skin (plus they are expensive). So I use the ascorbic acid from eBay, I mix about ¼ of a teaspoon with water and apply it my face. Leave it for 20 minutes (vitamin C is only active for 20 minutes) then rinse off the residue. I will do this prior to special events and shoots.

I also swear by oxygen facials for special occasions when I can. They plump up your skin for the night but you need to get it on the day of the event.

Pimples – I use DUAC it’s a script from the doctor. This is an antibiotic and peroxide cream; I apply it directly to pimples when I get them.

*Don’t use DUAC and vitamin A together as they both deactivate each other. Also use Vitamin A and glycolic acid at night and vitamin C in the morning (20 minutes before sunscreen). Also when adding actives to your skin take it slow. Try glycolic acid first just a little a few days apart, then build from there. Then add in vitamin A taking it slow and backing off if your skin gets irritated. Always go slow and be kind to your skin. I’ve been using this regime now for 5 years so Im a veteran but I took it really slow at the start.

Moisteriser – I use simple products again here, whatever is cheap from my chemist. I supplement with coconut and vitamin E oils. I also use rosehip oil sometimes. At the moment I’m using Lavender creams I bought from a lavender farm (lavender is my favourite fragrance). For body moisteriser I use coconut oil, but when I’m wearing spray tan I use the Tuscan tan extender as coconut oil removes the tan).

My bill for a whole year of skincare is less than $200. (minus the botox)



I also use coconut oil in my hair. Along with redkin butter cream and all soft products. But I keep washing my hair to once a week when I can. And I live in braids to help with styling it without using heat. (With shoots my hair gets ruined so I treat it well). With heat styling I always use heat protectant, I’m using Frizzproof right now.

Hair removal – I shave even my intimate areas, I’m also way prone to getting shaving rash here. To combat this I use nappy rash cream like bepanthan after I shave.


Make up

I used to use MAC face and body. It’s a really light minimal coverage but if you heat it by rubbing it in your hands before applying to your face it becomes a medium coverage. But then I discovered they test on animals so I wont be buying that anymore. The make up brands I buy from these days are Illamasqua and Inglot.

My key beauty trick I use for my shoot make up is to use gel eyeliner as eye shadow. I use this to create smoky eyes in 5 minutes flat. Just apply the gel liner where you want the dark shadow, then blend with an eye shadow blending brush. I always do this for Sexpo as my make up lasts for 15 plus hours. For sexpos I also set my make up with hair spray.

I also ignore what make up says its used for. So I will eye shadows for loads – I make my own glosses/lipsticks by mixing it with lip balm, I add it to foundation to create cream contour, Ill use lipsticks as cream eye shadows, eyeliner as lip pencils. This is a bit controversial but Ill use silicon lube as an under eye cream under my make up occasionally, it fills in the lines so the make up doesn’t cake. I also use gloss as eye shadow sometimes.

Lips – I’m blessed to have natural dark rose lips, so I usually just use clear gloss or coconut oil. For shoots Ill tint them with Dior lip-glosses or Ill mix eye shadows with coconut oil. My lips however don’t seem to hold lipstick. So I don’t wear any.

Tans – I get spray tanned with Tuscan Tan.

Teeth whitening – I make a paste using peroxide and bicarb soda, apply it to my teeth leave for 5 minutes. I do this when I feel I need it about once a month.